I haven’t posted in a while. Honestly I haven’t been riding a whole lot. Some of it is due to the weather and hunting season and the like – some of it is due to rearranging my priorities. A few weeks ago I decided it was time to step back and acknowledge the fact that I can’t keep 4 horses fit and legged up with my work schedule, and still cut out time for family and, well, other things. I started to realize I really didn’t have a life outside riding and that really bugged me.
So I stepped back and just let go. I stopped trying to control everything and honestly, it has been great. Going with the flow has been amazingly freeing.
A little recap on this past month and a half….
It took more than a week for that damn abscess for present itself!
Oh and it finally SNOWED! Not much mind you. It had all pretty much melted in an hour or so. However I did get to take Siesta for a walk…
Standing in an open field. Loose. Which means not running away. A BIG deal for this girl!
Looking forward to 2016, I have a handful of goals (not quite resolutions) in mind.
• Be less judgmental
Hard for me. I grew up with a mother who was overly critical, and over time I learned to dislike people in general. I find myself making snap judgements about people now because I somehow have a preconceived notion that they are doing the same to me. I need to learn to excercise kindness, even if it is scorned or not returned.
• Drink more, cook more
As I mentioned earlier in this post, my ex husband was a teetotaler and I was expected to adhere to the same standards. My boyfriend now doesn’t really drink (unless it’s Jack Daniels) but he doesn’t mind if I do. I don’t care for wine in general myself but I’m up for trying anything once. I really would like to be able to drink – and get buzzed – more often lol. I also love to cook so there’s that too!
• Move! Explore!
A big thing for me. I used to love hiking, exploring old buildings, photography and the like but I stopped all that a couple years ago. I really want to attempt to get out more and discover the world around me. I used to view everything with curiosity and wonder and I’d love to get that back! I have created an Instagram account specifically for that purpose – check out foreverxplore
• Endeavor to be more artistic
Going back to the photography thing. I used to so wedding/event/equine/portrait photography professionally years ago. Since then, however, I’ve lost a lot of my artistic flair. I’m going to attempt to bring that back.
• Get fit! Eat clean/exercise.
One thing I did manage to do this year for the first time ever was lose weight and keep it off! I am definitely happy with what I’ve managed to do, but I’m not satisfied yet! I want to lose 30 more lbs, get more toned and more muscular. Then, maybe THEN I will finally feel comfortable in my own skin. Because going to the gym is not really an option for me, I recently downloaded Sworkit and so far I’m loving it! I know Rome wasn’t built in a day but I have high hopes for positive results over time.
• Be vulnerable
I have a lot of trouble with this, because when I’ve opened up in the past I’ve been hurt. This is also why I don’t really have any close friends.
• Learn to let go
This sort of goes along with being vulnerable because once I have been hurt, I cling to that and completely withdraw. I do it as a defense mechanism but I also realize that at some point holding onto the past is going to keep me from moving on in the future
• Love myself
I honestly have never been truly happy with myself. Part of it probably has to do with being a perfectionist, and a people pleaser. I am always trying to conform to what I perceive to be expected of me. I never feel good enough, accomplished enough, pretty enough etc etc. I have come to realize in many ways my lack of self confidence is seriously affecting my overall happiness, so that is definitely something I’m going to work on in the future.
• Do less with my horses, more with my boyfriend (and daughter!)
Instead of focusing on endurance or getting one or another of my horses super fit this coming year, instead I plan to carve out more time for family. There is a good possibility that I will be working 3 jobs over the summer, amounting to about 55 hrs a week, but because of the schedule I will be on I will actually have MORE time with my daughter and she won’t have to be with her father as much. Add to that, with the additional income I’m hoping we may actually get to go on vacation once in a while, something we haven’t had the extra funds for in the past.